You know you
need to take another learning step somehow here in the face
of this note.
Naturally you would like to ask “How?” or “What learning
step?” These predictable mediocre questions have
to cease. You must simply take a leap into the learning
step without knowing “how”, without knowing what
it is.
You are attending a weekend Zen Session somewhere
in Japan . In the session, you are not just sitting rigidly
facing the wall in imitation of Bodhi Dharma. Instead,
you are attending a Rinzai Sect situation
in a hall where you are trying to come to an enlightened understanding
of a Koan, which is a recorded transaction
between an ancient Master and some student or visitor. Your
brain whirls around and around in circles as you try to “get” the
real essence of the Koan. You
try to figure out what is the real connection between the Zen
Institution, the Koan and your own Enlightenment. Then,
suddenly, you find yourself back in front of your computer
screen reading this note.
You remain unenlightened and go on to the next note.
Awakening cannot be described or known ahead
of time or it would not be awakening. It
is therefore an ultimate mystery, a journey in the unknown;
a walk in the Void. This note
is therefore not about
what you think it is about.
You are standing on an open desert plain,
rather barren with a few rocks and shrubs here and there,
facing some rough mountains on the horizon. You are
heading toward these mountains, but you do not know how long
it will take to walk there. You have paused to take-in
the full panorama of lonely desolation all around you. You
sense that this open emptiness is energetically charged with
some awesome meaning beyond Zen, beyond Krishnamurti, beyond
the Carlos Castaneda books. You sense that the whole
thing has something to do with your own direct experiencing
of your own consciousness, which now appears to you as a
tiny bubble of you and the scene floating in an infinitely
incongruous circumstance you cannot call “the universe” or
any other known Big entity. You swoon. When you
wake up, you are just reading this note,
but you have some missing time.
How many times do you have to be told that your
consciousness is not what you think it is? And how many
times do you have to be told that this note
is not what you think it is?
A strange insect lands on the back of your hand. At
first you are nervous that it will bite or sting you in the
endless battle between the Human Kingdom and the Insect Kingdom
. But suddenly you realize that something truly vast
and strange is contained within that insect. So you let
it stay there. You commune with it. You put your
mind into its mind and let it put its mind into your mind.
You let it become an ally in your quest for greater magical
awareness. And then you find, yet again, that you are
simply reading this note
in the surrounding simplicity of your normal situation. The
magic of the insect melts away and you are just your ordinary
neurotic self again with your usual problems of your life.
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